Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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