see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
