You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
