HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
