i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your penis caused this!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
