I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He has the fingertips of a God
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