can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
