weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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