I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
