he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
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He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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