I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Green mimosas i think yes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
