i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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