It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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