Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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