so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
