Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
