sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
