just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
