he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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