There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
