I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
