Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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