pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
