There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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