final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
