I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
