He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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