dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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