party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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