Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
