please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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