i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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