it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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