I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
