At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
