we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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