I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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