i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
