so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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