I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
