Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
