i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
