I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
