You're so nebulous sometimes
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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