the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
