dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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