I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
