Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize