My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
