I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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