haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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