It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
