I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
