I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
