I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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