Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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