maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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