you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
