morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
