I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
