I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
