Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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