I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
