This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
