you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
