hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
