I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
