I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
