i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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