I heard we made out
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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