after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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