i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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