Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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