Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
