Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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