I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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