hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
