nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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