glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
