We're facebook friends in real life
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
