1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
